Today I decided to pick a wildcard topic for #DBlogWeek. The topic is: Tell a story of a diabetic equipment or accessory, from it’s point of view. (Yeh, that wasn’t worded so well. But its late and my phone can’t copy the prompt from the source…)
I’ve never met so many people in one day. I usually stay hidden and quiet, tucked away in a pocket or band or dress. It’s not that I’m shy; I just don’t really know how to interact with people. Will they accept me? Question me? Play with me? Intead of wondering, I usually just pretend to be invisable. Its much easier that way.
But today was different. Today I met 2 medtronics. They have their own dialect and were beeping nonstop, but we chatted. We spoke about meters and hypos and cheesecake. We spoke for about an hour, and then I had to leave and carry on with my day. Not that I have much of a day anyway… I stay inside for the most part, and get pressed through layers of clothing. My buttons have indentations from finger nails being forced too strongly into the rubber.
I’m not sure why my Person doesn’t do it the easy way; it would make much more sense to just use me in public. But I sort of just let her do her thing. She has these theories in her head that I don’t agree with. I think that she’s worried about her friends seeing me; she thinks that they will see her differently. I’ve heard her say otherwise, but I don’t fully believe her. After all, we’ve been together for about a year and a half now. Her friends can all see that she’s the same girl as before we met. She thinks they might look differently; she doesn’t realize they don’t become as emotional and disturbed as she thinks they do. They’ll most likely not ever bring me up in converstaion. I think she sometimes over analyzes things too much…
I also think she doesn’t want the empathetic faces People put on when they see me. She feels that they will never understand, and by looking at me all they can do is feel bad. She never liked people feeling bad for her, after all, she never likes when people do anything for her. She likes being independant. But in my opinion, she’s totally missing the point.
Her friends and family love her, and want to care.
I hear them talking sometimes, long after my Person is asleep. They discuss how closed and mysterious she is, and they wish they knew her better. She doesn’t realize that they want to know. They want to hear about they hypos and the stress and the difficulties, just as she wants to hear about theirs.
But I guess that’s her weakness. It takes courage to ask for help. It takes courage to admit that sometimes the world doesn’t fit on your shoulders alone and that there are times when it’s ok to share the burden.
The other night she was filling my cartridge. My Person is very emotional by nature, yet she doesn’t cry about diabetes. She accepts this as some blessing from Gd, and doesn’t imagine a different life. But as the drops of insulin sprayed across my screen, I felt a deep, heavy breath fall onto my battery cap. She was overwhelmed. She had just finished a conversation with her cousin that left her thinking. It was time to reach out to others. Time to make that group that they’ve been talking about, and time to inform a wider circle of friends and family about the situation, because holding it all in isn’t strength.
Me and my Person are very close. I hear her every conversation, (although sometimes they are muffled by the thick cotton sweater pockets,) feel her every pulse, and experience her every move. She’s much older than I am, but I wish I could tell her a thing or two. I wish I could tell her how good it felt today to speak to a peer. To be spoken about in public. And when she introduced me to her friend yesterday, I wanted to sing. Her friend was just as excited to see me as I was to see her. Her friend doesn’t look at her any differently; her friend just realizes that there’s an added dimension to my Person’s life, called diabetes. And even though her friend doesn’t understand a single D-term, she’ll try, because diabetes isn’t her fault. Its not a choice she made or an object she bought. Its a blessing that was given to her as a birthday present from Heaven.
I work every day to keep my Person healthy. She works every day together with me. But I think its time to recruit some coworkers, because sometimes the world doesn’t fit on your shoulders alone.
And that’s completely fine.