I hold my diabetes in my hands like a secret. Only a select few can open my closed palm and see what’s inside. Only those who I trust to be gentle and caring. I’ve carefully wrapped up my secret with ribbons and bows, put it into a parcel and into my pocket. It’s a privilege to be privy to such information; to such a personal part of my life. I expect all who see it to leave it alone, yet I would love if they inquired; would love if they wondered how well my secret was doing.
I feel that just as I wouldn’t own a a rare object and walk around with it easily accessible, to be treated harshly and freely, I dont walk around with my diabetes open to the public.
I know that its different. Logically I shouldn’t be hiding my diabetes. It doesn’t define me, and by knowing that I’m diabetic doesn’t make someone know the whole me. I know.
But what I know and what I feel don’t always match up. I recently read a quote that now goes through my mind pretty often, “In a year from now you’ll have wish you started today.” I look back at a year ago, two years ago, and wish I had started then. But I didn’t. Why look back in a year from now and say the same thing? It’s a new year and a new chance. I will take steps to make the disconnect click. What I say and what I think will slowly become more in sync. If I act less and less like I’m holding something precious, and act more and more like I’m stating a fact that many Americans share, then it won’t be a rare object. It’ll be a part of me that those who want to care about will, and those who don’t, won’t.
Let’s see how it goes…:)