I have lots to write about today. I can start with my dexcom change that created a pretty awkward protrusion on my thigh after being in the same location for 20 days. Or maybe speak about my afternoon nap, amid which I woke up to my dexcom beeping. 44. With some insulin still on board. I ate a massive chocolate bar, and called my dorm counselor to bring me some ices. Or juice. Or anything…FAST. I was literally soaked through my shirt, and dreaming about eating candy in my sleep. After 2 ices, that chocolate bar, and a full cup of juice, I was at 80 with a slight up arrow, and went back to sleep. (Obviously that was followed by a wake up of 198 and an up arrow.) I can speak about some other things, such as the fact that I’ve spent the past while (maybe 2 weeks?) looking at a screen of red hills and blue valleys and not that much green in between. However, I’ll leave that for another time. Right now I’m just thankful that this is my lot. Thank Gd my parents, siblings, and friends are healthy. No one is going through chemo or counting their days. No one is complaining of starvation or crying of poverty. Each day is made up if millions of moments that we didn’t plan. Yes, endless highs can be frustrating, but it’s manageable. Thank Gd I live with people who appreciate me and care about me. Thank Gd school is not a struggle for me as it is for some others. Gd gives each person what they can handle. On the days diabetes is difficult, thank You for teaching me patience and appreciation for the days that are better. Thank You for the good times and the better times. I could not ask for a different life.
There are plenty of bottles and cartons and vials of medication on the shelves and in the fridge of my local Rite Aid pharmacy. All I need (at least at the moment) is one little vial of insulin. A vial that’s smaller than my pinky and looks like it’s full of clear, clean water.
A vial that needs replacement each month.
A vial filled with the substance that keeps me alive.
A vial so simple, yet so full of angst.
I’m blessed to be able to have health insurance.
I’m blessed to have a pharmacy nearby.
I’m blessed to have ample technology to set my blood sugar straight.
I’m blessed to live in a country where medicine is available.
And yet despite, or maybe because of, all these blessings, today this little vial caused my grief.
I’m low on insulin. (No, not like hypo low, low as in I have about 80 units left and I’m about to go on a trip for two days.) I refilled my prescription over the phone, and went in today to pick it up. When the cashier rang up the print out, the total stared at me in shock. Or actually, I stared at the total in shock. Or in total shock. Anyway, not the point.
$448. Should I repeat that? $448. I called up my insurance and they said the problem should be fixed within 24-48 hours. However, as I said before, I’m leaving at 6:00am and won’t be back till Friday, at which point I doubt I’ll have much insulin left. The nice woman on the phone told me to pay out of pocket, and I could be reimbursed within 7 days by just giving the cashier my paperwork. Thank Gd was able to put those funds on to my card, and pick up my Novolog. On one hand, there’s nothing note valuable than life itself, so I guess I shouldn’t get so upset, but on the other hand, those dollars can be stretched very, very far.
It’s always exciting to start a new, clean, fresh, vial; I just wish it didn’t come along with such baggage.